I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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