A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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