He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
