At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We have so much sex to catch up on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
