Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
