i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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