should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
