Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint

(203): View more from Connecticut

i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you

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(+61): View more from Australia

She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.

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(619): View more from California

Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it

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(806): View more from Texas

I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.

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