Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
