I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
