were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
