I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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