2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
