So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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