I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
