I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
