There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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