bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
