I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
