i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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