i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
