I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
