You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
