No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
