Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
