just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
