It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're too hungover to prance.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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