We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
