Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
