I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
