Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"

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(404): View more from Georgia

Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

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(317): View more from Indiana

What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?

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(314): View more from Missouri

BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE

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(248): View more from Michigan

Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing

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(402): View more from Nebraska

he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.

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