i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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