I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
