I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Non-Jews are for practice
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
