All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
