when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
