I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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