I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
