Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
