Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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