The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
