Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
