is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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