new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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