I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
