I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
