3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
