Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
