i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
