Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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