laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
